Why Have Babies?

"Four is a good number, you're done, right?" This is a typical comment I get coupled with "What beautiful children you have!"  Well, these two comments don't really go together.  If my children are beautiful, why should I not want more of them?  Then, they would also say, "Wow, you have your hands full!"  Well, isn't better full than empty?

Candice Watters did an excellent job at answering the question of why have babies?  She writes:

 You may think your reasons for having babies are biblical, but if you're like me, you've absorbed a lot more culture and a lot less Bible than you realize.

Do you hope to have children? That's the question I've started asking the young married women God brings into my life. It's not as bold as the question Mary Morken asked me,^[1] but it gently opens the conversation about babies — enabling me to go, by God's grace, where most would say angels fear to tread.

Why press for information about such a personal decision? In part because I know how much I needed someone to ask me that question. Once married, Steve and I were on a path of delay. I also ask because we live in an age when there are a hundred reasons not to have babies and very little encouragement to have them; and because I'm convinced, from Scripture, that by God's design, babies are not only uniquely the work of marriage, but also a blessing from God. I want to encourage Christian couples not to miss the blessing.

What do women say when I ask? Their answers go something like this:

• "Oh, yes, we hope to have children someday."


• "We're focusing on our marriage right now."


• "We're saving for a house first."


• "We want to finish grad school before we start a family."


• "We want to pay off our loans before we conceive."

It's pretty much the same answer I gave Mary when she asked me about our plan for babies. I think that's one of the reasons I feel compelled to ask. We didn't really have a plan, but our non-plan of waiting till we reached some fuzzy financial goal was a plan of its own. Our plan was to delay. Fourteen and a half years and five pregnancies later, I know how in-the-now and incomplete our reasons were for putting off babies in our first year and a half of marriage. We thought we were being responsible, and because we deeply desired a family and were looking forward to having children someday, we assumed we were being biblical in our thinking. But we had absorbed a lot more of the culture around us than we realized.

We live in a world where people take great pains and lots of pills to prevent babies when they don't want them, and spare no expense to get them when they do. According to our culture, babies before you want them are an accident, mistake or crisis — a result of a birth control failure. And if you can't have them naturally when you decide you're ready, they're treated like a commodity you have a right to buy, as long as you can afford the price tag. Birth control is no longer a noun, something we use to prevent pregnancy; it's an adjective describing our whole culture. We live in a birth control culture, the key word being control.

Good Reasons to Ask the Question

Mary's question, "What makes you think you'll still be fertile when you decide you're ready to have babies?" jolted me because it offended my sense of control. I figured I knew best when I'd be ready to be a mom. Even though I wasn't on the pill, I was very much in the birth-control mindset. I thought this decision was up to Steve and me. We believed we were in control. Her question hit me like a bucket of ice water.

What if we're not in control? What if by saying no to children now, we miss our window of opportunity? What then? These questions raced through my mind, and later that day, they raced around our family room as we hashed them out with the Morkens. God used them to challenge our assumptions. Steve saved his best counter for last: "But, Dr. Morken, we can't afford them." Dr. Morken didn't waste time looking at our balance sheet or examining our checkbook. He knew we weren't paupers, but even that wasn't the issue. (He and Mary had a fraction of what we did when they got married and started their family, as have most human beings for all of recorded history). The point is that it's not about money. He went to the deeper issue: "Babies are wealth," he said. "Budget for everything but babies."

You can't measure the worth of a baby — a human being made in the image of God — with a spreadsheet or calculator the way you would material things, entertainment, travel or education. People have intrinsic value and worth that is unlike anything else in creation.

The truth is we weren't living on much of a budget, and we weren't really being intentional about getting out of debt. We just knew we liked our current life, our freedom to spend our double incomes the way we wanted to, to have maximum control over our schedules and time. Having a baby would certainly spin us out of control. But not like a car wreck. More like a Peter-walking-on-the-water-and-needing-to-keep-looking-at-Jesus-so-he-wouldn't-drown wreck. This would be bigger than us. And we knew it. We didn't want to lose control.

But we never had it to begin with. Ephesians 1:11 tells us, "In him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of him who works all things according to the counsel of his will …" (emphasis added). Isaiah 46:9b-10 says, "I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like me, declaring the end from the beginning and from ancient times things not yet done, saying, ‘My counsel shall stand, and I will accomplish all my purpose…'" God is sovereign over what happens in our lives. Every bit of it.

The control we think we have is an illusion — something we realized once we started trying to get pregnant and it took longer than we imagined, and again after we had two babies, when we encountered secondary infertility. We really did think we'd be able to make babies if and when we were ready. We believed it was ultimately up to us. By God's grace and through the Morkens' challenge, however, we realized it wasn't. We stopped assuming our timeline was best; stopped basing our decision primarily on our comfort, ease and consumption patterns; and started asking God when He wanted us to start our family. We started seeking God's wisdom instead of the wisdom of men (Colossians 2:8). Scripture is sufficient for all of life — even the how, when and why of baby making (2 Timothy 3:15-17, 2 Peter 1:21).

Good Reasons to Have Babies

The world says babies are expensive, that they diminish your happiness, and that they limit your spontaneity. They are, they do, and they will — just like a whole host of other things (some worthwhile and some not) that you'll say yes to in your lifetime. Those negatives are not the whole story. And they're not reason enough to delay starting your family. Babies are wealth. They increase your joy, and any challenges they may bring are God's means for your sanctification.

Babies are God's blessing. God's first words to His newly created man and woman were a blessing but also a command, "Be fruitful and multiply" (Genesis 1:28). Children are a reward from God. "Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward" (Psalm 127:3). The blessings God promised His chosen people in the Old Testament when they entered the land always included the fruit of the womb: babies (Deuteronomy 7:12-14).

Babies are part of God's good design. The only thing that was not good at creation was man being alone (Genesis 2:18). We were designed for community, fellowship and family. Sex and babies were part of the created order, and the procreative process was in place before sin entered the world. Having babies is part of the normal order of creation. Why?

God wants the earth to be full of people. Isaiah 45:18 says, "For thus says the Lord, who created the heavens (he is God!), who formed the earth and made it (he established it; he did not create it empty, he formed it to be inhabited!): 'I am the Lord, and there is no other.'" And how will all these babies come to know God and worship Him?

Married couples are called to make babies — disciples of Jesus Christ.^[2] All Christians are called to make disciples (Matthew 28:19), that is, spiritual children. But Christians who are married have the added calling — where God enables them — to make physical offspring (Malachi 2:15). Couples are called to be fruitful and faithful to raise children in the fear and instruction of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4), to the praise of His great glory. And where will that glory be fully realized?

Heaven will be full of worshipers. Only people are made in God's image. Every baby born is an eternal being made in God's image, with the potential to praise Him. We know that one day the earth will be filled with the knowledge of God as the waters cover the sea (Isaiah 11:9). Babies born and given hope through Christ are those people who will one day enter heaven. Where there will be "a great multitude that no one could number, from every nation, from all tribes and peoples and languages, standing before the throne and before the Lamb, clothed in white robes, with palm branches in their hands, and crying out with a loud voice, 'Salvation belongs to our God who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb!'" (Revelation 7:9-10).

The Bible is full of glorious motivation for having babies. Steve and I just weren't in the habit of studying those passages. We didn't even know about a lot of them until after we started researching for our book Start Your Family. It's not that we weren't reading the Bible. We were, but we were reading with an eye toward what we hoped to get out of it, rather than coming to it to learn what the Bible says about God. We are people of our age — influenced by the world around us that says you read the Bible for what you can get from it. God calls us to something different. Scripture tells us that we are responsible for studying God's Word, for hiding it in our hearts, for knowing what God commands and obeying Him.

You don't have to be married to answer the question, "Do you hope to have children?" It's helpful to start thinking about it now. Recognize where the desire for babies comes from. Then submit your desire to God, and let Him shape it to conform with His will, resisting the pressure around you to conform it to the pattern of the world. He'll change you in the process, making you more like Him. And that's one of the best things about His good gift of children: the way they point us to our Father.

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The Rise & Fall & Rise of Motherhood In America

Excellent article on motherhood:

Only Women Can Be Mothers Have We Forgotten This Fundamental? By Douglas Phillips Only a woman can carry in her body an eternal being which bears the very image of God. Only she is the recipient of the miracle of life. Only a woman can conceive and nurture this life using her own flesh and blood, and then deliver a living soul into the world. God has bestowed upon her alone a genuine miracle — the creation of life, and the fusing of an eternal soul with mortal flesh. This fact alone establishes the glory of motherhood. Despite the most creative plans of humanist scientists and lawmakers to redefine the sexes, no man will ever conceive and give birth to a child. The fruitful womb is a holy gift given by God to women alone. This is one reason why the office of wife and mother is the highest calling to which a woman can aspire. This is the reason why nations that fear the Lord esteem and protect mothers. They glory in the distinctions between men and women, and attempt to build cultures in which motherhood is honored and protected. In his famous commentary on early American life, Democracy in America, Alexis de Tocqueville explained: Alexis de Tocqueville Thus the Americans do not think that man and woman have either the duty or the right to perform the same offices, but they show an equal regard for both their respective parts; and though their lot is different, they consider both of them as beings of equal value. They do not give to the courage of woman the same form or the same direction as to that of man, but they never doubt her courage; and if they hold that man and his partner ought not always to exercise their intellect and understanding in the same manner, they at least believe the understanding of the one to be as sound as that of the other, and her intellect to be as clear. Thus, then, while they have allowed the social inferiority of woman to continue, they have done all they could to raise her morally and intellectually to the level of man; and in this respect they appear to me to have excellently understood the true principle of democratic improvement. De Tocqueville contrasted the American understanding of women, with European sentiments: There are people in Europe who, confounding together the different characteristics of the sexes, would make man and woman into beings not only equal but alike. They could give to both the same functions, impose on both the same duties, and grant to both the same rights; they would mix them in all things — their occupations, their pleasures, their business. It may readily be conceived that by thus attempting to make one sex equal to the other, both are degraded, and from so preposterous a medley of the works of nature nothing could ever result but weak men and disorderly women. The War on Motherhood America’s glory was her women. De Tocqueville believed this when he wrote: As for myself, I do not hesitate to avow that although the women of the United States are confined within the narrow circle of domestic life, and their situation is in some respects one of extreme dependence, I have nowhere seen woman occupying a loftier position; and if I were asked, now that I am drawing to the close of this work, in which I have spoken of so many important things done by the Americans, to what the singular prosperity and growing strength of that people ought mainly to be attributed, I should reply: To the superiority of their women. But this birthright would be exchanged during the last century for a mess of pottage. Perhaps the greatest legacy of the 20th century has been the war on motherhood and biblical patriarchy. Feminists, Marxists, and liberal theologians have made it their aim to target the institution of the family and divest it from its biblical structure and priorities. The results are androgyny, a radical decline in birthrate, abortion, fatherless families, and social confusion. Incredibly, the biggest story of the 20th century never made headline news.[1]Somehow we missed it. It was the mass exodus of women from the home, and the consequent decline of motherhood. For the first time in recorded history of the West, more mothers left their homes than stayed in them. By leaving the home, the experience and reality of childhood, family life and femininity were fundamentally redefined, and the results have been so bad that if this one trend is not reversed, our grandchildren may live in a world where the both the true culture of Christian family life and the historic definition of marriage are the stuff of fairy tales. Many “isms” have influenced these trends-evolutionism, feminism, statism, eugenicism, Marxism, and more. But in the end, the philosophical gap between the presuppositions of the Atheists, eugenicists, and Marxists of the early 20th century, and the presuppositions of the professing Church in the 21st century, have narrowed dramatically. The goals of the state and the goals of the mainstream church have so merged, that the biblical family with its emphasis on male headship, generational succession, and prolific motherhood are a threat to the social order of both institutions. Less than one hundred years ago, the architects of the atheistic communist Soviet state anticipated the death of the Christian family. They explained the need for destroying the Christian family with its emphasis on motherhood, and replacing it with a vision for a “new family.” Lenin wrote: Vladimir Lenin We must now say proudly and without any exaggeration that part from Soviet Russia, there is not a country in the world where women enjoy full equality and where women are not placed in the humiliating position felt particularly in day-to-day family life. This is one of our first and most important tasks. . . Housework is the most unproductive, the most barbarous and the most arduous work a woman can do. It is exceptionally petty and does not include anything that would in any way promote the development of the woman. . . The building of socialism will begin only when we have achieved the complete equality of women and when we undertake the new work together with women who have been emancipated from that petty stultifying, unproductive work. . . We are setting up model institutions, dining-rooms and nurseries, that will emancipate women from housework. . . These institutions that liberate women from their position as household slaves are springing up where it is in any w ay possible. . . Our task is to make politics available to every working woman. In his 1920 International Working Women's Day Speech, Lenin emphasized: The chief thing is to get women to take part in socially productive labor, to liberate them from 'domestic slavery,' to free them from their stupefying [idiotic] and humiliating subjugation to the eternal drudgery of the kitchen and the nursery. This struggle will be a long one, and it demands a radical reconstruction, both of social technique and of morale. But it will end in the complete triumph of Communism. Lenin’s comrade Trotsky played a key role in communicating the Marxist vision of what he called the “new family.” Lenin and Trotsky believed in the overthrow of Christianity by destroying the biblical family. They sought to build a new state, free from historic Christian presuppositions concerning the family. This meant denigrating the biblical notion of male headship and hierarchy within the family. It meant eliminating any sense that there should be a division of labor between man and wife. This required delivering women from the burdens of childbirth and childcare. It meant adopting tools like birth control as guarantors that women could be free to remain in the workforce. Trotsky said this: Leon Trotsky Socialization of family housekeeping and public education of children are unthinkable without a marked improvement in our economics as a whole. We need more socialist economic forms. Only under such conditions can we free the family from the functions and cares that now oppress and disintegrate it. Washing must be done by a public laundry, catering by a public restaurant, sewing by a public workshop. Children must be educated by good public teachers who have a real vocation for the work. Then the bond between husband and wife would be freed from everything external and accidental, and the one would cease to absorb the life of the other. Genuine equality would at last be established. . . The most disturbing part of quotes like those above is how similar they sound in sentiment and spirit to voices today from individuals who claim to be a part of the Church of Jesus Christ. Even more disturbing is how many of the anti-family social reforms are presuppositions of modern Christians in America. Presuppositions which have been fully accepted. How America’s Conscience Was Seared Toward Motherhood But motherhood is not easily defeated. It was here from the beginning and it has always carried the Church and civilization forward. Motherhood not only perpetuates civilization, it defines it. At first Jamestown was a bachelor society struggling for survival. But she became a civilization when the women arrived. Plymouth, on the other hand, began as a civilization-families of faith committed to fruitfulness and multiplication for the glory of God, an impossibility without motherhood. Motherhood is not easily defeated because God has placed reminders of its importance in the very bodies of the women He created. To defeat motherhood, the enemies of the biblical family must do more than make it a social inconvenience, they must teach women to despise themselves by viewing their own wombs as the enemy of self-fulfillment. This means minimizing the glorious gift of life which is only given to womankind. It means redefining what it means to be a woman. But even this is not enough. To defeat motherhood the enemies of the biblical family must sear the conscience of an entire generation of women. This is done through the doctrines of social emancipation from the home, sexual liberation, birth control, and abortion — all four of which cause a woman to war against her created nature. Instead of being the blessed guardian of domesticity for society, she is taught that contentment can only be found by acting, dressing, and competing with men. Instead of being an object of respect, protection, and virtue, she sells herself cheaply, thus devaluing her womanhood. Instead of glorying in a fruitful womb she cuts off the very seed of life. Sometimes she even kills the life. Years of playing the part of a man hardens a woman. It trains women to find identity in the corporation, not the home. It teaches them to be uncomfortable around children and large families — the mere presence of which is a reminder of the antithesis between God’s design for womankind and the norms of post-Christian societies. But women are not the only ones with seared consciences. Men have them too. Consider that fifty years ago a man would have winced to think of female soldiers heading into combat while stay-at-home dads are left behind changing diapers. Today’s man has a seared conscience. He no longer thinks of himself as a protector of motherhood, and a defender of womankind. He comforts himself by repeating the mantras of modern feminism, and by assuring himself of how reasonable and enlightened he is — how different he is from his intolerant and oppressive fathers. But in his heart, modern man knows that he has lost something. He has lost his manhood. To be a man, you must care about women. And you must care about them in the right way. You must care about them as creatures worthy of protection, honor, and love. This means genuinely appreciating them for their uniqueness as women. It means recognizing the preciousness of femininity over glamour, of homemaking over careerism, and of mature motherhood over perpetual youth. But when women are reduced to soldiers, sexual objects, and social competitors, it is not merely the women who lose the identity given to them by the Creator, but the men as well. This is why the attack on motherhood has produced a nation of eunuchs — socially and spiritually impotent men who have little capacity to lead, let alone love women as God intended man to love woman — as mothers, wives, sisters, and daughters. Motherhood Will Triumph There is an important reason why motherhood will not be defeated — The Church is her guardian. As long as she perseveres — and persevere she will — motherhood will prevail. The Church is the ultimate vanguard of that which is most precious and most holy. She holds the oracles of God which dare to proclaim to a selfish, self-centered nation: “Children are a blessing and the fruit of the womb is His reward.” Psalm 127:3. The Church stands at the very gates of the city, willing to receive the railing complaints of feminists, atheists, and the legions arrayed against the biblical family, and she reminds the people of God: “Let the older women teach the young to love their children, to guide the homes.” Titus 2:3–5. It is this very love of the life of children, this passion for femininity and motherhood which may be God’s instrument of blessing on America in the days to come. As the birth rate continues to plummet, divorce rates rise, and family life in America dissipates to the point of extinction, life-loving families will not only have an important message to share, but thy will have an army of children to help them share it. The Question Teacher: Susie what do you want to be when you grow up? Susie: I want to be a doctor. Teacher: How wonderful! And what about you Julie? Julie: I want to be a soldier. Teacher: How commendable! And what about you Hannah? Hannah: When I grow up I want to be a wife and mother! Teacher: [dead silence] . . . After years of society belittling the calling of motherhood, something wonderful is happening — something wonderfully counter-cultural! In the midst of the anti-life, anti-motherhood philosophies which pervade the culture, there is a new generation of young ladies emerging whose priorities are not determined by the world’s expectations of them. They have grown up in homes where fathers shepherd them, where children are not merely welcome, but where they are deeply loved. Some of these women have been home educated, which means that many of them have grown up around babies and their mothers. They have learned to see motherhood as a joy and a high calling, because their parents see it that way. And when asked about their future, these girls know their own minds. These are the future mothers of the Church. Young women who are not afraid to say that the goal of all of their education and training is to equip them to pursue the highest calling of womanhood, the office of wife and mother. The Cost of Motherhood Once a lady went to visit her friend. During the visit the children of the friend entered the room and began to play with each other. As the lady and her friend visited, the lady turned to her friend and said eagerly and yet with evidently no thought of the meaning of her words: “Oh, I’d give my life to have such children.” The mother replied with a subdued earnestness whose quiet told of the depth of experience out of which her words came: “That’s exactly what it costs.” There is a cost of motherhood. And the price is no small sum. And if you are not willing to pay this price, no amount of encouragement about the joys of motherhood will satisfy. But the price of motherhood is not fundamentally different from the price of being a disciple of Jesus Christ. In fact, Christian mothers see their duty as mothers flowing from their calling to Jesus Christ. And what is this cost? Christian motherhood means dedicating your entire life in service of others. It means standing beside your husband, following him, and investing in the lives of children whom you hope will both survive you and surpass you. It means forgoing present satisfaction for eternal rewards. It means investing in the lives of others who may never fully appreciate your sacrifice or comprehend the depth of your love. And it means doing all these things, not because you will receive the praise of man — for you will not — but because God made you to be a woman and a mother, and there is great contentment in that biblical calling. In other words, Motherhood requires vision. It requires living by faith and not by sight. These are some of the reasons why Motherhood is both the most biblically noble and the most socially unappreciated role to which a young woman can aspire. There are many people who ask the question: Does my life matter? But a mother that fears the Lord need never ask such a question. Upon her faithful obedience hinges the future of the church and the hope of the nation. In 1950, the great Scottish American preacher Peter Marshall stood before the United States Senate and he explained it this way: Peter Marshall The modern challenge to motherhood is the eternal challenge — that of being a godly woman. The very phrase sounds strange in our ears. We never hear it now. We hear about every other kind of women — beautiful women, smart women, sophisticated women, career woman, talented women, divorced women, but so seldom do we hear of a godly woman — or of a godly man either, for that matter. I believe women come nearer fulfilling their God-given function in the home than anywhere else. It is a much nobler thing to be a good wife than to be Miss America. It is a greater achievement to establish a Christian home than it is to produce a second-rate novel filled with filth. It is a far, far better thing in the realm of morals to be old-fashioned than to be ultramodern. The world has enough women who know how to hold their cocktails, who have lost all their illusions and their faith. The world has enough women who know how to be smart. It needs women who are willing to be simple. The world has enough women who know how to be brilliant. It needs some who will be brave. The world has enough women who are popular. It needs more who are pure. We need women, and men, too, who would rather be morally right that socially correct. As we approach America’s national Mother’s Day celebration, lets remember that we are fighting for the Lord, and it is He who prioritizes motherhood and home as the highest calling and domain of womanhood “that the word of God be not blasphemed.” Titus 2:5. May the Lord fill our churches with faithful mothers. Douglas Phillips, President, Vision Forum Ministries [1] In his 2002 book Bias: A CBS Insider Exposes How the Media Distort the News , Bernard Goldberg wrote: “They don’t report the really big story — arguably one of the biggest stories of our time — that is absence of mothers from American homes is without any historical precedent, and that millions upon millions of American children have been left, as Eberstadt puts it, ‘to fend for themselves’ — with dire consequences.” p. 166

What are some thoughts you have had lately, looking around at our culture today, about motherhood and how you "fit in"?

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The home as a place of real hospitality - Part 8

Is hospitality throwing a Martha Stewart fancy or trendy dinner or superbowl party for our friends or family? According to the Bible, it definitely does not end there. One thing is for sure, as I looked into Scripture for home as a place of hospitality, I saw that it meant to welcome strangers, foreigners, and God’s ministers. One example of welcoming strangers is when Abraham welcomed the three visitors into his tent and fed them (Gen 19:2-3).
“Don’t forget to show hospitality to strangers, for some who have done this have entertained angels without realizing it!” (Hebrews 13:2) Who knows if I have ever entertained angels.

[caption id="attachment_2079" align="aligncenter" width="604"] Notice Hospitality is very much tied to food. Best way to make use of your kitchen.[/caption]

We have had many different precious people come in and out of our home. Brothers and sisters who have been in need of housing have found a place of refuge under our roof. Interestingly, just months after we have hosted a couple who were homeless, we were hosted by a beautiful sister in the Lord when we were homeless. You never know when you will be on the other side of a situation.

[caption id="attachment_2081" align="aligncenter" width="604"] Celebrating The Feast of Tabernacles. Sukkot. A Time of Rejoicing.[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_2082" align="aligncenter" width="453"] We eat on the floor, like camping. And of course lots of delicious food.[/caption]

One great reason the Lord commands us to open our home to strangers is because He wants us to remember when we were strangers, and homeless in Egypt meaning that without Him we were lost and enslaved. Isaiah 58:7 says that if we feed the hungry and provide a home for the homeless, the promise is that ‘salvation will come!’ There is also a place for great home banquets and feasts. I love these moments. Feasting in the Bible is common. In fact, God is waiting for us to feast with Him once more. Jesus went to feasts into people’s homes like Levi and Zacheaus.

[caption id="attachment_2083" align="aligncenter" width="604"] Our table would overflow with guests and filled with God centered conversations[/caption]

Another of my favorite hospitality experiences is hosting God’s people and ministers of His Word. “When God’s people are in need, be ready to help them. Always be eager to practice hospitality” (Romans 12:13). This was so common for missionaries to be hosted in Believer’s homes. Remember Mary and Martha? Paul would also send ministers to churches and ask the churches to receive them. Lydia in Acts 16:15 was one of those Believer’s who opened her home for Paul and Silas to stay. How many times have we asked missionaries to stay at our home? We have had quite a few over the years. Ministers from Uganda, Argentina, China, Philippines, Mexico and different US states have blessed our home with their stay.

[caption id="attachment_2085" align="aligncenter" width="604"] Notice the little people. They grow up around the older and hopefully wiser.[/caption]

I have heard the reservations to this type of hospitality. Some Christians have said, “I can’t live like that with people coming in and out all the time, I need my privacy.” Many of us weren’t taught to open our homes. But, as we come to the Lord, He becomes the Lord of our lives including our homes. Everything we have is His, including your house. We are also commanded to obey His Word as Christians we need to ask the Holy Spirit to help us put aside our insecurities and grow us in love for others. Here is a suggestion, once you know that hospitality is expected of you if you are God’s child, then you can start by inviting families in need and lonely young adults over to your home for dinner.

[caption id="attachment_2084" align="aligncenter" width="604"] Awww! How I miss those special moments of sharing our lives with others. Living in community is hospitality at its best.[/caption]

Wow! The potential we have in using our homes as a blessing to many is truly amazing. Are you ready to give up your privacy for a greater purpose God has for your house? Many Christians don’t have homes like yours around the world. Why do you think God gifted you with this one? If we don’t have a vision for our homes we will fall into the temptation of coveting nicer kitchens, be frustrated with meaningless things around the house and just be miserable. But if we view it as a place of hospitality, then we will gratefully keep it clean and prepared to host whomever the Lord would bring.

Will you host in your home someone new, lonely, or homeless?

What are some ideas you practice hospitality?

The Home - Part 9

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Embracing Our Real Identity Part 2

I am a graduate of two prestigious Christian universities.  You would think that going to a higher education Bible school would teach you about what you are called and created for.  Well, to this day, I don’t believe there is a class for ladies on “How To Be A Godly Keeper Of The Home.”  I entered Bible college because I wanted to be a missionary.  Half way through my studies, I was discouraged by other colleagues.  “You want to be a missionary?” They would ask. “I would recommend you get a different degree that would be easier to get a job.  You can always be a missionary without a degree.  But it is hard to support yourself.  You need like a teaching degree.”  I listened and switched my degree to Education.  Women don’t go to college to become better wives, mothers or better homemakers, but to secure a career and make it on your own.  After all, "it’s a very insecure world" they say.

God desires to “transform us into His Likeness” (2 Cor. 3:18).  When He created us he said, “Let us make man in our image, in our likeness…” Genesis 1:26). Therefore, my life, my marriage, my home must reflect His Likeness.  How can we reflect His Likeness and His Image?  By being Christlike in all we do.  Instead of accepting who we are to excuse our sin nature.  “Well, that is just who I am” kind of attitude.  We should instead “be transformed by the renewing of our minds” to be in Christ what He has called us to be.  This is a huge responsibility we have before us.  God has entrusted us The Home and as we shine in His Image, our Homes will bring glory to the Creator and communicate His beauty, His joy, His love and our true contentment.

Many have been lost in this culture trying to find this true identity in materialism, prestige, career, in people, leisure, and achievement rather than embrace what God has planned for us already.  Happiness and fulfillment will never happen until we embrace our real purpose, which is in Christ.  Rebellion to this sacred calling of reflecting His image in our homes has destroyed our society. The world is waiting to see rich, vibrant blessed homes once again.

A simple way to start bearing His Image is by embracing what He has done for us.  No more resisting our true identity by trying to be something or someone we are not.  In Him we are complete.  He is the one doing the work everyday of transforming us into His Likeness.  We simply have to surrender to His glorious work in our lives.

Secondly, learn from His Word how He wants you to use the gifts and talents He has given you as you build your home.

Our relationship with our husbands will speak loud to the way we comport ourselves toward them.  This is first and foundational as we wisely work the soil of our home so it can be fertile and grow healthy generations of faithful children.

Once this groundwork has been set, we understand how God designed the home to be like.  People have spent millions in a home, which was a sterile, cold, empty place.  Sure it looked good in the magazines and before family and friends.  But they have lacked vision and purpose for it.  God has a grand and holy purpose for our homes according to His Word.

Next, we will look at how God wants our homes to be used.

Being transformed from glory to glory into His image is an unfathomable thought.  What areas of your life shine His likeness and what areas need more transformation?  The eyes of the world are on us.

The Home - Part 3

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Embracing the True Meaning of Home Part 1

Ever since I was a little girl entering first grade, I was often taunted with the question from teachers, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”  After my answers, “a teacher” or “a police woman”, I was given the lecture of empowerment of how I can be anything I wants to be and the, “yes, you can,” pep talk.  I grew up believing that she had to do something outside the home to be someone important.  Being a homemaker is out of the picture.  Who wants to be just that?  The idea was greatly devalued.  Now, when I am filling out some paper work and the dreaded question of “occupation” comes up, and I answer “homemaker”, most think of washing dishes, mopping floors and changing diapers.  Somehow people truly believe anybody can do that.  The truth of the matter is that women are able to be homemakers, but now a day, not every woman is capable of being a homemaker.  It takes training to prepare for such a profession.

It is hopeful to see that more and more women are realizing that real freedom lies in staying at home to raise their family.  Even if the family is grown, the woman’s home ministry continues as an older woman teaching the younger ones as stated in Titus 2.  Living next to me is a very nice lady who works sometimes up to 130 hours in two weeks.  She is away from home through the night at times.  Her husband is home sick and she doesn’t have the privilege to nurse him.  She doesn’t “like” it but, like most in her situation would say, “you gotta do what you gotta do.”  She is the one brining in the paycheck and her husband stays home.  What slavery!  She is not free to plan anything because she is always on call to go work even on her one day off.

In contrast, keeping home is the opposite and very rewarding.  You are building a home for God’s glory and future generations, not some man’s business idea.  What a difference in eternal meaning!  Staying home is not boring at all, or frustrating, not even just mundane.  Many woman in the workforce, now envy the homemakers.  “You get to stay home with your kids?”  The young lady cashier would ask me, “you’re lucky”.

But staying at home is not just taking care of your children.  The opportunities for achievement are really unlimited.  Our home is filled with new ideas almost everyday of how to further the Kingdom of God in business, in ministry, in media, education, government, food industry, missions, marketplace through creative and innovative ways.  I have known of doctors and lawyers who are now envying the profession of a homemaker!

The homemaker is not the romantic picture of perfection painted by Jane Austen.  Although, that time period had distinctive femininity and domesticity, it is not what I am attempting to bring alive here.  But rather, what does the Bible say about our homes and about the homemakers.  The home is also not the Martha Stewart type or the Home and Garden magazines kind and homemakers are not to be the perfectionist -I-have-it-all-under-control type of woman either.

The home was not always devalued. Pastor Steven Wedgeworth describes the home in this way:

“The home used to be a center of agriculture, economic affairs, and education. For the woman to be a “homemaker” was to be an executive over the central nervous system of society. It was to be a master of arts. It was to be a farmer. It was to be a maker. It was to be a temple, a sacrament, a superlative.”

Pastor Wedgeworth compares the home to the body’s nervous system.  If it is injured, or if the wife is not in her post, the body will start decaying, by developing diseases.  Damage to it could end up in paralysis, and even death.The body is made up of many other important parts or professions.  But we can’t argue that these other parts are more important than the Central Nervous System, for without it, they cannot function properly.  If it is broken down, church and society suffer.

God desires for women to embrace this holy mission.  We will never be complete and satisfied unless we undertake the call to "build  our homes (Proverbs 14:1).  

We will very briefly look at what the Home and the Homemaker should be.  This subject is so extensive that I will only describe some of the main components that make a True Home.

So join me this month as I dedicate it to enticing many women to embrace the true meaning of their homes.   As we celebrate our homes and families in the perfect love of God, they will shine bright to the world.  I hope to turn hearts to our Creator by our example of love and joy.  The world is always watching and learning.  What an opportunity to teach by being godly women who love their husbands, children and keep our homes in wisdom and Christ-centered.

What about your home?  How does it look like right now?  What is it's culture?

The Home  - Part 2

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A Homemaker Is A Full Time Stay-At-Home Woman

Yes, it can be done!  I know this topic is very unpopular and most woman, including Christian woman, would argue that "you gotta do what you gotta do", meaning they have no choice but to go out and work.  I have been sorry for many of these women who do desire to stay home with their children but have bought into the lie that there is no way.  Weekly, I see a beautiful young lady at Trader Joe's grocery store who loves my children.  Every week she talks about her little one year-old girl.  She tells me, "You are lucky to get to stay at home with your children, I wish I could too."  And like her are countless of women.  I believe we are wired this way by our Creator.  We are women, nurturers and motherly by nature.  We long to love our husbands and children by providing a peaceful, beautiful, healthy, nourishing atmosphere at home.   This cannot be accomplish by being part-time at home.  Even if we try to "tough it out" in the work force, the longing to be a woman of our home is deep down in each of us.

I have good news!  It can be done!  I am a living proof.  I've also known other women and known of others who have believed God as well for their provision so they can stay at home.  For my husband and I, it was never a question whether I would go out to work.  I did do ministry full time before our first child was born.  After that, I have dedicated eight years  so far to our growing home and I have a vision and a prayer that not only in my life it will continue this way but in the lives of my future generations of daughters and daughters-in-law.  We have friends who asks us, "how do you do it?"  When they find out we have had no income for more than 3 years (more on this story later).  The answer is simply, "By the grace of God and our full trust that He is Faithful".  And no, we take nothing from Obama or any type or Government "assistance".  God has been giving us our daily bread and healing every sickness. We have determined to stand on God's Word and obey it wholeheartedly no matter what the circumstances around us are.  God commands us to teach our children diligently throughout the day (Deut. 6:4-8).   This is perhaps the most important Scripture passage to the Jews.  They would recite it everyday, at the Synagogue and it is very first passage their children would memorize.  It can only be obeyed by parents being with their children throughout the day.  The next command is in Titus 2:5, for women to be "keepers at home that the Word of God be not blasphemed."  God promises to bless us if we obey His commandments and seek His kingdom first.  For me, if I had to choose between either obey God's Word or go out to work to provide for my family, I really don't have a choice.  God's Word will always be authority over my life.  And He definitely has provided day by day in ways we would never had imagine.  We do have story after story of God's providence in providing all that we need in.

Secondly, the stay at home woman is not the picture you get of one cleaning all day, changing diapers, fixing meals on her pajama sweats and a pony tail quickly put together.  Far from it.  We get an excellent picture from the woman of Proverbs 31.  She is industrious, contributing to the financial welfare of the family and yet, tending to the many needs of her family and community.  There are many ways we, as wives, can help our husbands save money, be frugal and work from our homes utilizing the gifts and talents God has given us. In no way do I imply women are to never leave home.  That would be impossible; it's unbiblical and ridiculous. We can be professional business women right from our homes.  This season of lack of income for us has truly been a period of creativity, inspiration and even health in homemaking.  Many women who work outside the home have very poor health and the whole family would suffer because they have no time to prepare a wholesome meal.

O.K. women have also told me, "...but I love my job, I love what I do."  Others have told me after having a baby, "I can't wait to go back to work, I need to get out of my house."  These are Christian women who are teachers at their churches.  If you are one of these, I would urge you to please pray, pray, pray and study the Word of God  and meditate on His desires for us as wives and mothers.  Our home is the building block of society and when we neglect it, we all suffer.  Just look around you.  This broken society is a result of that mentality.  Many have bought the feminists lie that we have a choice about having a career or being at home.  When we belong to Christ, we don't have a choice.  He is our Lord and we obey His commands.  Men don't have a choice but to work.   Being a homemaker is a full time job.

A goal of Blessed Homestead is to encourage women to embrace their homes and nurture their families.  So for the next month, I will be sharing how important "The Home" and the "Homemaker" are to the family, church and society.  I will also share ideas and stories of other women in similar financial situations who are surviving and even thriving without neglecting their God-given duties.  If you are one of them and would like to share your creativity and resources here, I would love to know.

 

 

 

 

 

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Blessed Motherhood

Oh, Mothers of young children, I bow before you in reverence. Your work is most holy. You are fashioning the destinies of immortal souls. The powers folded up in the little ones that you hushed to sleep in your bosoms last night, are powers that shall exist forever. You are preparing them for their immortal destiny and influence. Be faithful. Take up your sacred burden reverently. Be sure that your life is sweet and clean.--JR Miller

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"An Older Woman", an honorable title

It's true that in today's societal language, the term "older woman" may seem offensive.   Most woman spend countless of dollars trying to hide or at least slow down the showing of their old age.  Of course, we've never heard of a church ministry called, "the older woman's bible study".  Why, what would come to most people's minds are a bunch of old, argumantative, controlling, gossips, commando.  Who would want to go or even be a part of?

Nonetheless, contrary to our culture today, even our 20th century western church, an older woman's ministry is indespensible, biblical, much needed, extremely important and highly honored.  I am not saying that just merely age would qualify you to be in this type of ministry.  We all know that being older doesn't necessarily means you have become wiser.  Proverbs says it is even a disgrace.   I would qualify an older woman's ministry by the wisdom she has in the Lord.

I admire these woman who have suffered and sacrificed their own ambitions, if they ever had any, and gave themselves to serve God by serving their family, loving their husbands, loving their children, being keepers at home.  That is exactly what Titus 2 refers to.

I am very blessed to know some.  One of them is a widow of 105 years old, who by the grace of God, stands strong in the Lord.  This is a tribute to her.  Many may not know the countless hours, the short nights, the 12 children she raised, the honor she gave to her husband till this day.   Mama Sarita ministers to the soul of women in this generation by her humility, love, compassion, serving heart, joy and godly wisdom.  She belongs not to her own emotions, wants and desires, but only to Christ.  She prides herself in being wholy His and never belonging to the world's ways of rebellious attitudes.

One lesson I learned from her is the high honor and respect she holds towards her deceased husband.  Others have said (never heard from her lips) that he was not the best man or husband to her.  Nonetheless, if I had not heard other testimonies of her husband, I would have never guessed.  I regret it because that was never her wish.  She recounts the story of when he would be away from home at night.  Other gossip woman would put ideas into her head to wait for him at night as ask him where and with whom he had been.  He had done it countless times before, but she never thought any evil of him.   So she decided to listen to these women and she did.  She waited late at night for him.  He never came.  She went out in the crossway.  There was no sign of him.  Suddenly, she said to herself, "Sara, what on earth are you, a married woman, with children at home, doing in the middle of the night out in the street.  If your husband were to find out, what would he think of you?"  And with that thought, she hurriedly went home, locked the door and went to bed.  Of course, the thought of where he could be still lingered in her mind.  But another thought prevailed, "Sara, you are a woman with duties and cannot spare to waste precious sleep in worthess worries and thoughts.  That is pure devil.  If you dont' go to sleep I'm going to swat you."  Surprisingly, that is exactly what she did.  She got grabbed something within reach and swatted herself in the head to make herself fall asleep.  When morning came, and husband was found coming, not a word of rebuke did she spoke to him.

"How are you Sara?" he greeted half drunk or really drunk.

"Not as well as yourself but fulfilling my duties.  I've fed the chickens, milked the cow, and got the children going." She responded without a frown or scorn.

"First gol", he replied, realizing he was quite a shameful sight. "Well, Sara, what do you think? The men are waiting for me for orders, should I go?"

"You know how make desicions for you are a leader, but under your circumstances, I'm not sure you can get much accomplish."

"Second gol," he said admitting his state.  And with that he took off again.

Sarah cared and honored her husband and would never think of giving him a scornful rebuke.  "He was my husband and I owe him respect." She would say.  An another instance, one of her boys was going through his father's wallet and found the picture of another woman.  Thinking he would tell on him and mother would handle it from there, he eagerly brought the picture to her astounded at the finding.  The boy expected a different reaction from his mother.  Instead, she turned to him with a dissaproving look and said, "where did you find it?  Shame on you for going into what privately belongs to your father.  That is lack of respect.  You need only to honor your father.  You better run right away and put that picture back where you found it".   She held her husband's position of authority high before her children.   She did settled the situation with her husband later.  Privately, she lifted the picture so he can get a look at it and said, "where did you find such an ugly picture, she is really a disgrace."  Then she continued soberly, "you are a father, you have sons, what image will they get of their father if they find this out?"  He shamefully hung his head and asked her for forgiveness and approved of her.

It is easy to honor and respect our husbands when they are loving.  But how about when they COMMIT ADULTERY?  How about when they DON'T COME HOME AT NIGHT?  How about when they are not BELIEVERS?   How about when it takes YEARS and they don't seem to change?  I am not saying woman are subjects to be doormats nor do I deny of the pain and heartache she would go through.  I cannot imagine the dreams shattered, the betrayal, the sadness and deep loneliness that a betrayed wife can suffer.  In my opinion, it is worst than being a widow.  Nonetheless, only by God's grace can woman under such circumstances would be able to maintain her dignity and be woman of strength.  In return, she will win the respect of her husband.  Just like Sarah,  in front of the children, he held her high and demanded obedience, honor and respect to their mother.  He lavished her with what pleased her and would go out of his way to grant her small wishes.  If this marriage was young and contemporary, even if she was a Christian, would receive sure sympathy from left to right for a divorce well deserved.

From her example, I conclude that a woman has influence over how her husband treats her.  The more she trusts in the Lord in honoring, loving him, and respecting him (even when it may not seem like the think he deserves), the greater the blessing she will receive from her Heavely Father.  Her submission is ultimately unto the Lord.  Sarah has now lived to see her descendents up to four generations and length of years has the Lord blessed her with.  Her years have not been easy, but rather hard and a hard life is a good life.

What a blessing to the Church is a Wise Older Woman who teaches the young wives to love their husbands in a way that even a pastor, elder or other church leader can't.  She can teach young mothers how to love their children in a way that a Seminary graduate pastor can't.  She can connect heart to heart for her pilgrimage has been the same and by the grace of God she has gained a heart of wisdom.  If older women would minister in such a way, we would have steadfasts wives and mothers, stronger families, stronger churches, stronger societies...you get the point.  I'm not saying she is the key to these  but a part of the Body that needs to come alive.

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Razor-mouthed Christians

Why is it that so many Christians (many whose writings I usually appreciate) seem to think it's cool to ignore 1 Corinthians 13:1 while "proclaiming the truth" (as if love equals weakness). Truth is paramount; however, humility and love must undergird all of our words. And the good of the hearer to the glory of God must be our motive.

Malicious sarcasm, abrasive speech, and arrogant "rightness" have no place in the delivery of the Word of God, and only demonstrate prideful motives.

"Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal…” (1 Corinthians 13:1)

Regardless of a man’s eloquent speech, or his “right-on” blog posts, if he speaks his words without love, they fall on our ears like a rusty, out-of-tune trumpet. Instead of the music acting as a balm to our weary souls, we are assaulted by a cacophony of clanging. We run from the room with our ears covered not because music is bad, but because of the rusty trumpet that fails to communicate any sort of melody!

Perhaps, more often than not, people don’t “get” what we’re saying because we’ve been more concerned about being right than we have been about getting to the heart of the hearer. Our presentation of any truth should be immersed in the love of Christ.

Each of us must walk worthy of our calling: "With all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace." (Ephesians 4:2-3, NKJV)

And as we present the truth to others, including our children, we “must not quarrel but be gentle to all, able to teach, patient, in humility correcting those who are in opposition, if God perhaps will grant them repentance, so that they may know the truth, and that they may come to their senses and escape the snare of the devil, having been taken captive by him to do his will.” (2 Timothy 2:24-26, NKJV)

And for the record, this doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t boldly and unashamedly proclaim the truth of God’s Word. It just means that we don’t pridefully use “the truth” to destroy one another. Because if we do, we prove that the truth is not in us.

"But whoever hates his brother is in the darkness and walks in the darkness, and does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded his eyes." (1 John 2:11, ESV)

This doesn't mean that if I blow it, I am not a Christian. But it does mean that if I continue to walk in a way that communicates a distinct lack of love for my brother, my sinful heart is exposed and I better repent.

And let us all avoid dissensions and quarrels about the law, and commit to firmly communicating the truth - firmly, boldly, graciously, and always, always in love.

"But avoid foolish controversies, genealogies, dissensions, and quarrels about the law, for they are unprofitable and worthless. As for a person who stirs up division, after warning him once and then twice, have nothing more to do with him, knowing that such a person is warped and sinful; he is self-condemned." (Titus 3:9-11, ESV)

And as far as the Internet goes, keep in mind that unbelievers are watching. We will either hallow His name or cause it to be blasphemed among the cyber-heathen.

Remember, a soft answer turns away wrath. And if you can't find a soft answer, perhaps you should walk away. I've had to do that. I can slip into sarcasm very easily (you should see all the "great replies" that dance through my head when someone is being snippy. Thankfully, through conviction and consequence, God is teaching me to guard my tongue...and my keyboard. So, let's pray for each other because...

"Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth;" (1 Corinthians 13:4-6,)

Just a thought from Stacy McDonald

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Virtuous Womanhood

Virtuous Womanhood, exerpt summary from the book "Much More"

 How strange is to refer to a woman as a “godly woman” these days.  We hear of successful woman, career woman, talented, sophisticated, smart, beautiful divorced.  It is a much nobler thing to be a good wife than to be Miss America.  It is a greater achievement to establish a Christian home than it is to produce a second-rate novel filled with filth. The world has enough women who know how to be smart.  It needs women who are willing to be simple.  There are enough brilliant women, but lacks brave women.  There are enough popular women, but lacks pure women.

 A real woman is a woman who recognizes that she has been exquisitely and perfectly created by a loving God for a unique purpose.  Out of genuine gratitude, awe, and a desire to please her Maker, a real woman joyfully embraces her femininity and submits every aspect of her identity to God’s original and unique design for her as a woman.

• Self-denial

1 Corinthians 6:19, 20

Matthew 10:39

Jeremiah 19:9

• Humility

1 Peter 5:5

•  A gentle and quiet spirit

1 Peter 3:3-4

Psalm 37:11

Psalm 147:6

• Dependence and Non-self-sufficiency

Self-confidence and self-esteem are humanistic ideas that people are inherently good.  But our source of strength and confidence must be entirely in Him (Psalm 18:32; Psalm 52:5-9).

•  Dress Modestly, excellent and feminine

1 Timothy 2:9

1 Timothy 5:2

Matthew 5:28

Romans 15:1-3

When we do our brothers harm by tempting them to sin, we are sinning against then and against God.

1 Peter 3:3-4

Isaiah 3:16-24

Proverbs 31:22 (excellent)

Deuteronomy 22:5 (feminine)

The highest and noblest vocation of all

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